


Sorry one. last. time.

by theyoungestone



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Divorce, F/F, Heart Break, Please do not read if you are in a sad place, i am so so sorry, this is disgustingly sad, this will only make you sadder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 12:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyoungestone/pseuds/theyoungestone
Summary: She had said sorry one last time.It was over. She couldn’t hurt Trixie anymore.





	Sorry one. last. time.

**Author's Note:**

> Divorce isn't easy, which is why this fic is so horrifically sad. I am so sorry for this. Most fics have happy endings or plots, which is a good thing! However this time, I wanted to write something derived from a very personal experience to show that life isn't rainbows and sunshine all the time. There are some dark times in life that push us and shape us into different people than we once were. Divorce is one of those things.
> 
> The final chapter to The Coffee Shop will be up eventually. It's going to have a happy ending - I promise. I need to be in the happy frame of mind to write something like that, and it has not been the case lately. Which is where this fic comes in.
> 
> Writing this one really helped me work out a lot of personal issues, so I really hope you like it, even though it is sad and dark.
> 
> This was inspired by and named after a poem by Chelsie Diane (@poemsandpeonies on Instagram) - I highly recommend you check out her work. It is so so beautiful.
> 
> With that, I hope you enjoy despite the darkness and sadness of this fic. It's a little bit of a different writing style for me as well, just to convey the proper undertones.
> 
> Thank you for reading,  
> -G

The elevator ride felt torturously slow. The soft ding as she passed the floors resonated against her eardrums. Normally sweating and overheating, she was cold. Her blood passing under her pale skin like small rivers of ice.

It came time for her floor. She exited. Not thinking, but rather going through the motions of placing one foot in front of the other, black heels clicking against the too pure white tile.

She waited, sitting in the uncomfortable grey chairs placed for their convenience. It was 11:06, and their meeting wasn’t for another twenty-four minutes. She twisted her hands together nervously, waiting for Trixie to show up. Of course, Katya was disgustingly early, a trait she had held since high school. Trixie was always right on time.

They hadn’t spoken in weeks, since all settlements and divisions were final. Today they would sign those agreements into action. It was over. For real this time.

They had their ups and downs, Trixie and Katya, but for the most part, they worked. Things were great when they were together… most of the time. But that’s the case for any couple, right? They tied the knot after four years of dating, living together, and loving each other. 

Their fifth wedding anniversary rolled around, and things just didn’t feel the same anymore. They were distant. It was as if they didn’t even know the other sleeping only inches from them in bed. They tried to work it out. They even went to therapy. They followed all the steps, including even separating from each other for a week. It didn’t work, if anything, it confirmed that the time had come for them to split.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the elevator again and she instinctively looked up. Trixie stepped out, intentionally ignoring her gaze, and went to check in with the receptionist. Her blonde hair was teased high, as usual, but she wasn’t wearing pink. Not today. Instead, she was cloaked in a simple navy dress. Out of character, for sure.

Trixie sat on the other side of the room, getting as far away from Katya as she could. Katya could understand why. She had caused Trixie so much hurt, so much pain, over the past nine years. And she hated herself for it every day.

Trixie was the one who had suggested a divorce. Katya was the one who tried to fix it. She suggested they go to therapy, try and work it out. But, Katya was also the reason Trixie had suggested it in the first place. 

She knew she wasn’t an easy person to handle. Wrecked with addiction, anxiety, and depression (just to name a few), developing any kind of relationship with her brought problems. Immediate problems. Trixie, at first, was there to help her. Offered her a kind heart, a warm chest to rest upon, and a tissue to dry her tears. It was perfect. It was bliss. Until it wasn’t anymore.

When Katya was having a bad day, Trixie avoided her. When she needed to discuss her feelings, Trixie ignored her calls. It was too much on Trixie, Katya knew that, but they had vowed to do this life thing together, in sickness and in health… right?

They fought, but always made up. They threatened to break up, but always got back together. They were right for each other, in the sense of the word. But something was different this time, and Katya had a bad feeling about it.

Trixie had brought up the idea of ending it after Katya had finally worn her down enough. It was in their kitchen of the apartment they shared for almost a decade. Trixie had cried, and cried a lot, as she explained her reasons. Katya just stared, looking through her, because she couldn’t possibly process this as something that was actually happening. Of course, this pissed off Trixie, she slammed the door behind her as she left saying “I’m done. For real this time. I want a divorce.” 

Katya didn’t leave the house for ten days.

Trixie didn’t return.

It was done.

They hired lawyers, went through the processes. The split was amicable, with neither having the heart to fight the other for anything. Katya got what was originally hers, Trixie the same, and they split their joint assets in half. 

Today it would be final. They were really done.

Katya was pulled from her thoughts as the receptionist brought them back to the conference room. Their attorneys sat on respective sides of the dark wooden table. Katya and Trixie took their seats across from each other. This time, it was Katya who refused to meet Trixie’s gaze. She continued twisting her hands together, moving her rings around and desperately trying not to melt into a puddle on the floor.

This was the best thing they could do for each other, right? 

Or was it the best thing Katya could do for Trixie? Let her finally be free from the chaos she carried?

Fake orchids sat in the middle of the table. The light streamed in from behind white curtains. 

The attorneys talked to each other. Trixie engaged in the conversation. Katya merely nodded, only half listening to what was being explained.

“You are prepared to go through with this?” Katya’s attorney leaned over.

Katya nodded, playing the part.

“I need a verbal confirmation.” Her attorney placed a hand on Katya’s shoulder. The touch hurt.

“Yes.” Katya spoke bluntly. She looked up and met Trixie’s eyes. 

Trixie was stoic, calm and composed. Maybe even a bit… relieved? They shuffled papers back and forth – initialing here, signing there. 

Trixie smiled and conversed with the attorneys while Katya remained silent. They had been separated for ten months. Trixie had moved on. Katya had not. Trixie had found someone new to love. Every time Katya saw them together, it cut through her like knives.

The new woman, Tammie, she believed her name was, was everything Katya was not. She was happy, full of life, funny, and spontaneous. She was more alike Trixie than different. Trixie had mentioned they were happy together, and somewhere inside Katya was glad for that. But it made her wonder just how miserable she had caused Trixie to be over the last nine years.

“And this is the last one,” Katya’s attorney passed over the final remaining piece of paper.

Katya picked up a pen, hands shaking so bad she nearly dropped it.

The last one.

They were really done.

She signed, without really paying attention to what was going on. The room was too bright. The silence was too loud. The buzzing of a cell phone in someone’s bag was interrupting her thoughts.

“That’s the wrong line,” Trixie said bluntly.

“Over here, dear,” Katya’s attorney redirected her. Blood red nail pointing to the line she had neglected to sign.

“I’m sorry,” Katya said to her attorney.

“Sorry,” Katya looked up at Trixie as she spoke, the hurt of the past ten months obviously showing behind her blue, blood shot eyes. Trixie didn’t say anything.

Katya repeated herself, pushing the paper over towards her attorney, who added it to the pile. 

She said sorry.

For the last time.

They were done.

It was over. 

Trixie and her attorney left first, Katya and her’s shortly after. 

Katya made it home in a daze. Nothing felt real. It was as if she was having an out of body experience. She was completely numb, almost passed out from pain.

Trixie was probably celebrating with Tammie.

Katya was believing that even death could not hurt as much as this.

She had said sorry one last time.

It was over. She couldn’t hurt Trixie anymore.

Now, she just had to figure out how to pick up the pieces of herself, and maybe stick them back together into some semblance of the person she once was. Alone again.

Sorry one. last. time.


End file.
